Kia Ora all,
The following piece of writing was sent to me buy a small business owner who is struggling at the moment and wanted to use my platform anonymously to share some of the harsh realities and headspace of what it's actually like when you're running, starting and growing a business that you own yourself.
Big ups to the bravery for this business owner and reached out to me and getting pen to paper.
The truth = Business (and life) ain’t easy!
Robett
Today is a reflecting day.
As I sit here at 6 in the morning, after dropping my high achieving son off at the gym for some additional training, he just turned 16 and is smashing life, I find myself all hyped up on pain meds because my back is fucked.. osteo’s, physios and chiropractors are trying to unknot my muscles that seem to think their job is to put me in the fetal position to stop.
My body is telling me to stop, slow down, take a breath…. And I am not listening! Because we are on the brink of greatness, success in a way that I have never felt before. But to what detriment…. What is the purpose of all of this…. How much am I prepared to loose on the way up?
I ask these questions here because my decision making skills are sharp as sharp as a samurai sord, I am onto it! It has taken a brief moment to recall all of my burning failures and experiences that I have had to get here, and remembering how to get through, how to will myself to the next place, the next Lillie pad of life. This journey reminds me of that frog game we used to play to get across the road then the river to get home. Every now and then there is a truck, log or car to squash you and start again.
The process of having to survive is crazy, we are on an income that most people dream of, in fact the tax man loves us and just sent us a 21k bill for shits and giggles (year end tax bill over and above what I have already paid) but greatness is around the corner, money will fall from the skies and I will be lying in a bath of $100 bills like in the movies…… or will I
Again I go back to the things that I am loosing on the way to this place that I am not too sure I understand yet… am I a better person for having these massive dreams and goals, am I a better husband, devoted father for putting my kids through private education, for giving them the best (at least what I think is the best) for not having two parents working and providing?
Upon reflection, because hindsight is perfect vision, I have created many fights, arguments, heated debates that were unnecessary! I have put undue pressure on myself and created a failing body, I have taken what seems to be a rough alternate route to get to the same place, if not worse, than my mates who have stuck to their jobs and worked with stability – all care and no responsibility.
On the flip side I have helped people into new careers, I have helped at least two business owners retire early with islands in Vanuatu and homes in Queenstown. Springboarded their lives, but not my own. The guilt of having to leave home at dinner time to go and have a meeting to sell something so we can eat the next day is as archaic as the cave man style life. I need to be better! More efficient, more alive more present for my family.
This does not mean stopping it, it does not mean giving up, it just means time for a revamp time to make my home number one again time to make my wife feel safe, loved and trusted. Not saying she isn’t, not saying I am not trustworthy, not saying I have colored outside of the lines in life. I have stuck in my lane been as loyal and faithful as a lab, I have just been distracted and lost the ability to live in my two different worlds simultaneously. Lost the ability to celebrate the simple things.
Anonymous Small Business Owner