Today I'm NOT doing ok - and that's OK! Today I'm having 'A Brain Day'.
So yeah - let's go there.
Morena,
So I’ve had this article sitting in my Drafts for quite a while and I kept coming back to it waiting for the ‘right time’ to release it. But I woke up randomly this morning and realised there is no RIGHT time to release this, there will NEVER be the perfect moment to publicly go to a place like this - so I should just sack up and push send. haha. So here we go. SEND.
Below is a text vent from a dark day that I documented. For someone who’s so public and positive - I feel it’s pretty important to show the other side. Because there is ALWAYS another side. ALWAYS.
Kia Ora,
For 99% of the time I am Mr. Positivity - but today is the 1%. Today I am really not doing OK - and that’s OK.
I’m usually the guy that motivating others, hyping others, helping others and giving advice to support as many people as possible. But today, I feel mentally overwhelmed on many levels. I’m having a day where my over-analytical brain has taken my headspace into a pretty dark place, and to be brutally honest - at this very moment I’m in a pretty toxic spot mentally. I feel utterly overwhelmed.
I’ll only have these ‘Brain Day’s a few times a year. It won’t be weeks or months on end with a constant drain and glug. It will be just a super intense and gnarly day which hits me out of the blue and puts me into a dangerous spot. Today is one of those days, so I figured while I am in this super rare mental zone of emotional shit and chaos I would just sit down and starting typing and see what happens. (yup - even when I’m in this much of stuffed up headspace, for some twisted reason I’m still trying to add help others. haha)
As I sit here I feel emotionally heavy beyond belief and mentally cloudy like I’m in a hurricane with no map, no sense of direction and no glimmer of positivity or hope. My throat is clenched by force and my stomach has an uncomfortable tension in it that is physically making my legs feel weak and actually tingle. I currently sit perfectly still physically, but my brain is erratically stirring and curdled like a White Chocolate Mocca made with month old milk. I am trying to look forward for any type of clarity but all I see is a shattered windscreen of confusion which gets me even more frustrated. So the more I sit in silence the more I stir. It truly is a revolving cycle and spiral of shit - A whirlpool of emotional danger with a magnetic pull that almost seems impossible to fight off.
So why am I having this ‘Brain Day’? Did I lose a close friend? NOPE. Did I lose a big business deal? NOPE. Did something intense happen with the whanau? NOPE. The honest answer - Because I’m human. Because sometimes even with so many blessings all around you - you can still get lost and feel like you’re in a mental hole which you at the times think you may never get out of. And what makes it even more unsettling is when you are self aware enough to know that it really doesn’t make sense and you should be happy and grateful for all of the good that you are blessed with.
The hard truth is we all have these gong show days. We all have our own ‘Brain Days’ - but the difference with me to many - is I’ll happily front foot it and tell you what’s really up - regardless of the consequence. The potential consequence of others that might look down on me in this moment and sense weakness. The consequence of the many others in business reading this seeing a very vulnerable side to me - an overachieving extroverted, 6ft 100kgs Alpha Male of energy and positive momentum. Well to be honest - I genuinely couldn’t give a shit. Actually. haha. If I’m gonna be judged in any way by these type of muppets for being open and ‘authentic’ and they think less of me in any way whatsoever - we probably weren’t meant to be homies anyways - so bye Felicia! haha. #Deuces.
And here’s is a pretty sad thing which I just realised as I typed this. I am ALWAYS happy to talk to anyone about anything but today - I literally have ZERO desire to talk to anyone. Not even my best mate Nate, my tight homies in the Boys chat, my mum, my whanau, or even my wife. So on this real gong show of a day, what I realised is if I am feeling like this now - when I’m usually Mr Banter to everybody, I now have way more empathy and understanding for others who aren’t are as confident to communicate with others on the regular. And that sucks for me to think about.
Look - I don’t want your sympathy - I actually don’t want anything from you. I just want you to realise if you’re reading this now, is that EVERY SINGLE person in your entire life that you have ever talked to, reported to, hired, fired, loved, hated, seen or ever interacted with will have days like this. They will have ‘Brain Days’ - shit - the next person you see this morning might be having their own ‘Brain Day’ at this very second and you might not even know it. The reality is this - There is no perfection. There is no single breathing human who doesn’t have days when they are literally like ‘STUFF THIS SHIT!’. We are all human. We all feel. And that’s totally OK! Seriously.
So how do I work my way back to ‘normal’? Well - let’s do it. I start by stopping and breathing. A take a few slow massive breaths which I feel fill my entire lungs and seep a new cycle life of oxygen and positive opportunity into my brain. After a while I open my eyes and look around my surroundings and start take it all in. I specifically spot and hyper focus on each lil piece of existence that surrounds me. The art, the nature, the beauty and simplicity. The smells, the creations, the movement and the freedom.
I then recreate my own mental montage about ‘times of joy’ that I’ve had in my life. Cheersing some beers with my boys at a long lunch gone wrong, hearing my 2 year old daughter say ‘I Love You’, shredding fresh heliboard lines hooting and hollering at the top of my lungs, sipping a 30 year old single malt birth year whiskey from my secret stash, belly laughing from one of my wifes jokes which almost make me cry, the smiles and value I know I’ve brought to others with my energy, the sunsets all over the globe I’ve witnesses and the countless amount of good times I’ve had with some amazing humans in my crazy journey through life so far.
I then start OWNING it. I start talking in my own mind. I start fully owning the moment. I simply own the fact and tell myself that at this exact minute I am not fully on point. I tell myself that I’m having ‘A Brain Day’ - and that’s totally ok. A day where I’m being mentally challenged. I day that I am currently losing emotionally. I then tell myself that this ‘Brain Day’ is nothing but only a single moment in time, and that I will NOT let this moment build any more momentum. A moment that is nothing but a single pawn move in my mega game of life-chess. And I know my life is gonna million moves playing the long game - so don’t resign in any way now. So take the L. Own the L. And Reset. This moment does not define me - This moment will not define me - This moment will not become me - And that this moment will pass.
Today - I’m having a Brain Day. And that’s OK!
Now I’m off for a walk. And gonna go FaceTime a homie. haha.
Much love,
Robett
ps. If you resonated with this in anyway - PLEASE feel free to hit me up, or pass it onto to someone random in your world. Why? They might be having a ‘Brain Day’ of their own.
pps. And just a heads up. I failed high school, couldn’t get into Uni and I have no qualifications whatsoever to give any proper mental health advice to anyone, but this was just my truth. But if you’re going through some tough times today and want some proper support, HERE is some great resources that could help. xoxo.
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